Choose your Battles

John Wyatt Poole--beloved child of Loree and Johnnie Poole born October 22, 1959

Now that I am living in my fortieth year of life, I have truly come to grips with what it means to "choose your battles."  One might assume that this means I have become less vocal and less battle-ready. Quite the opposite, I'm afraid.  I am tired of choosing battles based on what others may think.   I am tired of standing back and pretending that what others say about those I love doesn't matter. I am choosing my battles.   I made a promise years ago that I would NEVER again let anyone hurt those I love without speaking up. I feel like I am beating a dead horse by continuing to explain my reasons for the way I feel and the events that led me to my core beliefs.  Let me give you a small introduction to my family.  I was born in 1972 in Attala County, Mississippi.  I quickly became the apple of my grandmother's eye.  Granny, aka Loree Wyatt Poole, was a force with which to be reckoned.  I wish reality shows were around back then.  I swear, she could have had her own!!! As a young child, I spent nearly every single day with my grandparents.  Not only was I spending time with Granny and Pappy, but I also got to know my first best friend.  John Wyatt Poole was born in 1959 and was adopted at birth by Johnnie and Loree Poole(Granny and Pappy).  John was my daddy's baby brother and was not quite 13 when I was born.  I became his little "Barbie doll," for lack of a better word.  He enjoyed dressing me up and teaching me all about life.  He did my hair from the time I had any and was my very best friend.  **Feel free to look back over previous posts for the details of our special relationship**

I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T know John was gay.  I also can't remember a time when it mattered.  While in the safe haven of Granny's house, I was taught that it was a non-issue..... I didn't see Uncle John as any different from anyone else......except for one thing:  he was truly the only person with whom I felt completely comfortable to voice my thoughts and I knew he would love me anyway.  He was the one who taught me the meaning of unconditional love, and I am so proud to be his niece.  Uncle John and I had a relationship that nobody else could ever understand.  We were just close enough in age that we "got" each other and just far apart enough that I still respected him as my uncle.  As a teenager, I began to realize what being gay meant.  Believe me when I tell you that we just never discussed sexuality in my home or my grandparents' home.  John was John and my daddy loved his little brother.  My dad NEVER, EVER spoke ill of his little brother.  Their middle brother, however, is a different story.  Maybe I'll touch on that another time.  Anyway, as I got into high school and began to hear words such as "fag, homo, gay," I began to realize that Uncle John was among those being targeted with the hateful way of thinking.  So, I(being the unfiltered girl that I am) decided to ask him point-blank.  I guess I was around 13 or 14 when I approached him.  

We were sitting at Granny's kitchen table looking out into the gorgeous backyard.  I think we were eating Raisins, Rice and Rye.  Anybody remember that cereal?  Granny, John and I devoured box after box of that stuff...I said,"Are you gay?" My witty uncle looked me straight in the eyes and said,"Are you?" I am laughing out loud right now as I recall that moment.  I said,"Ummmm, no...but I know you are."  He said," Would that change anything?"  I said,"No.  I just wanna know."  He said,"I can't be who I am around here. I am hated for who I am."  He told me that he didn't want me saying anything to anyone about him or my support of him.  He told me that it wasn't accepted around there and it would just bring me heartache and hurt.  So, I kept quiet.  I listened silently as others made wisecracks and remarks about gay people.  I NEVER joined in, but I also never spoke up.  That is a regret I will always have.  I regret not going against John's wishes on that.  

A few days after my conversation with my uncle, I had a discussion with Granny.  We were sitting on her screened-in front porch.  My granny was my rock.  She told me things when nobody else would.  She treated me like a person who mattered.  Even as a child, I felt that she respected my opinions.  Maybe it was mostly because I usually agreed with HER...hehe...I said,"John's gay."  She said,"And?"  I asked her what she thought about it.  She told me that John had been "John" from the time he was a toddler.  There was no mistaking that he was born the way he was.  There was no choice in who God made him to be.  Straight from Granny's mouth,"God made him the way he is for a reason.  He is no different from my other sons and I love him and want him to be able to have the same things my other two have in this world."  There is not a doubt in my soul that if she were here today, she would SO fight for marriage equality.  No doubt.  I KNOW.  I actually had the guts and the courage to ASK her how she felt.  Others, it seems, just chose to talk about her and her child behind her back.  

So.....I say all that to bring me to where I am today.  I have found myself in the middle of a vicious cycle of babbling ignorance.  I have sat quietly(believe it or not)as I have received countless---seriously, countless---emails and facebook posts stating that gay people are "satanic, filthy sodomites who are burning in hell."  It amazes me that someone else's sexuality can take up that much of some people's time.  Why does it offend these people so much?! If you truly believe that only those who believe and interpret the Bible exactly the way you do are going to Heaven, why do you also find the need to constantly degrade and de-humanize other people?  If you were a true Christian who believed these people are going to hell, would you not be approaching them with love, understanding, compassion and desire to share the gospel with them?  Spouting off hateful, bigoted remarks is not really the Christian way to be.  I, for one, have chosen to live by what I have read in Matthew as Jesus' own words.  This is quoted from Jesus:

Matthew 7:1-5

King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

² For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

³ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

⁴ Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

⁵ Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Please, if you are going to blast hate, don't do it in Jesus' name.  


I am saddened because I never believed that old saying,"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  However, maybe it is true.  Maybe focusing on the real future of this country  and  teaching our children love and acceptance of ALL of God's creations, we will finally begin to see some equality in this world.  Until then, I say,"This is for you, John.  I love you and I miss you with all my heart.  Thank you for teaching me how to love without conditions."