The Truth Shall Set You Free!

When I look back at my childhood, one thing that comes to mind is SECRETS. There were so many secrets swirling around me that you could almost stir 'em with a stick. I remember when I was about ten and was introduced to a lady in her fifties...my parents told me she was someone Daddy met while traveling for work and that I could just call her "Aunt Dorothy."  Aunt Dorothy began to visit more and more frequently and even gave us some really cool gifts like cowboy boots, jewelry and money! I liked Aunt Dorothy.  I was always a VERY curious child. I was also never one to hide my thoughts or ideas.  I quickly began to question why this basic stranger was always visiting all the way from Missouri and bringing such extravagant gifts.  I was always shushed.  I was also always told not to mention "Aunt Dorothy" to Granny(Daddy's mom). Fast forward through about five more years of visits, gifts, travels....I was sitting with Granny in her family room when we began to discuss babies and first birthdays and how she just loved my first birthday because I dug nearly head-first into the cake and was just so cute.  I inquired about my own father's first birthday and Granny looked at me as if I had just slapped her.  She said,"Well, honey, I didn't have your daddy when he was one."  "Where in the world was he?" was my reaction.  She then dropped the bomb on me......"Sweetheart, your daddy is adopted.  He came to us when he was three.  I thought you knew that."  WHAT??!!!

 

Nearly immediately, I began to put two and two together.  I spilled the beans to Granny about "Aunt Dorothy."  Turns out Aunt Dorothy was really the biological mother that had lost custody of my father and three of his siblings(Uncle Bob was adopted along with Daddy, Mary went to live with grandparents and Walter was adopted by another family in another town). Let's just say that Loree Wyatt Poole gave me an earful of opinions that day!  I was pretty pissed off that I was being made to look like a fool by my own parents. WTH?! Why was this something that needed to be hidden?  Turns out, Uncle John was adopted by my grandparents a few years later and had different birth parents.  I was hurt and confused.  I didn't understand why this story wasn't one of which to be proud.  How wonderful that Granny and Pappy adopted these boys and gave them such a fantastic life.  I still really have no idea why my parents chose to keep it a secret.  I also have no clue how in the world the subject didn't come up with Granny until I was fifteen! I felt like a complete idiot and I was ready to explode!!!!!!

Another few months went by and another secret was exposed from my mother's side of the family. My entire life, I was aware that my mother's mother had passed away when my mother was 19.  I never knew her(obviously) and I never really knew how she died.  I just knew she had always been dead to me.  I also knew that I was to NEVER, and I mean NEVER, mention her or inquire about her death. EVER. I'm still not sure why I was willing to abide by my father's request on that.  Maybe I do have a soft spot somewhere deep inside my soul.  Marjorie Iva Smith Burrell was always like a fictional character to me. I had a hard time making her "real." I grew up hearing Nannie(my great-grandmother)and my great-aunt, Vida Mae, talk about how incredibly giving and loving and precious Marjorie was. She sounded like someone who would have made the most perfect grandmother.  I missed her and I didn't even know her.  I felt slighted because Grandaddy had married Elise when I was about five.  Elise wasn't the most "loving, giving and precious lady." She was always nice to ME, but she wasn't really the grandmotherly type.  Anyway, I was at Nannie's house one day having lunch at her formica kitchen table with the silver edging.   Several family members were enjoying the meal together when I decided to just get it all out in the open. I was probably not quite sixteen.  "Just exactly how did my grandmother die?" I blurted.  SILENCE.  Heads turned as the adults looked at each other with that classic question in their eyes.  Nobody wanted to be the first to speak.  "She was really sick," said a family member.  "No kidding," I responded.  "I guess you're old enough to know, Alyson, she killed herself," said my great aunt.  WTH again??!!! Seriously, what was up with these people and all these damn secrets? My mother looked as if she wanted to fall through the floor.  Heaven forbid, someone tell the truth. I was shaking with anger at this point.  I later learned the gory details of that horrific day and the events that happened leading up to the fateful act.  I, again, felt like a fool for never figuring this out. 

 

Believe me, there are other things I know that could make your toes curl.  That's the joy of growing up in the Deep South where what other people think about you is sometimes deemed much more important than doing the right thing. One day, this blog just might be the source for jaw-droppin ooooohs and ahhhhs and hand-over-the-mouth shock.....but not today. My point today is that I am trying to raise my kids in TRUTH.  Kids are much smarter than many of us want to believe.  Kids do not expect us to be perfect. They just want to be loved and to know that they are worthy of the truth.  I want them to know things like the fact that Uncle John was gay and grew up in rural Mississippi in the sixties and seventies and  was ostracized to the point of having to move away. I want them to understand that when John was stricken with HIV, I was instructed to go along with the concocted story that he had cancer.  I want them to understand the ignorance that was endured not that long ago when a funeral home director refused to handle my uncle's body and their papa was forced to ensure that his brother was prepared properly for burial. These are things that shouldn't be hidden.  These are truths that help us become better. I really hate family secrets. They can drive a wedge between family members that is next to impossible to remove.  Here's the deal:  Be proud of who you are, of where you are from and of where you are headed.  Just own it.  Own who you are. Everyone has a story.  Some, admittedly, are much more interesting than others.  However, everyone's story is worth knowing.  Don't change someone's biographical truth simply because it embarrasses you.  Tell the truth.  Your children will thank you one day.

Vote! It matters!

My democratic roots run deep...... I am proud to say this man was my grandfather. Here is Pappy's original campaign ad as it was in The Star-Herald back in the 1940s.  It is too bad he is no longer around. I think he'd be a GREAT candidate for president! :-) Anyway, as a result of this headline,  I have been researching segregation and voting rights in the south back in the 40s and 50s. I encourage you to do some reading as well.  I can't imagine living in those times. The purpose of this post, though, is for me to show what a REAL MAN is. Here's to Johnnie Bertram Poole.  LOVE and MISS you, Pappy!

Btw, he won the election and served with integrity and grace.  As a result of his position, he became aware of two little abused and neglected baby boys.  My dad was one of them....Johnnnie and Loree Poole adopted Danny and Bob Poole in 1954. LOVE!

Alyson's Advice for the Asinine

I was talking with my sister-in-law earlier today and found myself uttering the following words:  "I am 40 now, so I don't have to care about what others think." Yes, she laughed.  We all know I didn't wait until 40 to speak my mind.  However, I've gotta tell you that I do feel much more liberated lately.   Anyway, I have recently begun keeping track of little things that are a cross between humorous and annoying.  I've labeled them Alyson's Advice for the Asinine.  I know that not everyone agrees with me all the time.  That's ok.  Remember, I'm 40 now and I no longer care! :-)  

Alyson's Advice for the Asinine(in no particular order):

• If half your toenail polish is off your toes, please don't subject the rest of us to viewing them.
• The left lane on the interstate is for FASTER traffic. Move out of the way!
• If you aren't going to discipline your children in public, be prepared for others to do it for you.
• If you are over the age of 35, you aren't doing yourself any favors by wearing pants with wording plastered across the behind.
• Teach your children to answer adults with "yes m'am and no sir" or "yes and no." Yeah and Naw are just unacceptable.  
• Please wait until seated to sample the food you have taken from the buffet line.  It's just gross to eat it while hovering over the chafing dishes.
• The word "retarded" is not an appropriate word for poking fun at someone. There are people in this world who truly were born mentally retarded.  It is a real condition and they deserve respect. 
• Differing political views are fine. Personal attacks are not.
• Use the sidewalk.
• Throwing your cigarette butt out the window is littering.  You deserve a fine.
• Someone who doesn't speak your language isn't necessarily an idiot.  
• Just because something has always been a certain way doesn't make it right.
• Saying please and thank you is a common courtesy that goes a long way.
• It won't kill you to smile.
• It is fabulous that you are fit and cute and just went to the gym.  However, if you are heading to your child's school, put some clothes on!
• Some of us have severe reactions to pollutants in the air.  Your cancer stick happens to produce the one that sends me into an asthma attack. I don't care if you have your feelings hurt. Smoke in private.
• If you are an able-bodied adult and still live with your parents while collecting free stuff from the government, maybe you should cancel your smartphone plan and buy your own groceries. Nope, I am not saying we shouldn't help those who NEED it.
• When in a restaurant, please have your children stop running around like they are in a park.
• Sunglasses are made for the SUN.  The sun is not indoors.  Take them off.
• If you sneeze, try not to sneeze into your hand.  Use your arm instead.  If you must use your hand, please wash it before touching common areas or someone else.
• If you are going to spend your money to get into a movie, why would you spend the entire time talking with your friend???
• I do not care where you live, what your last name is or how much money you make.  A dumbass is a dumbass.
• Why does it bother you for someone else to be given the same rights as you? 
• Using improper pronouns is irritating.  The pencil belongs to me. The pencil does not belong to I.  Therefore, the pencil belongs to my husband and me.  The pencil does not belong to my husband and I.  
• What you allow your children to do, say and watch may be your business.  However, when they begin to introduce my children to inappropriate things, it becomes MY business.
• There is a fine line between clothing you CAN wear and clothing you SHOULD wear.

That will be all for now.  Alyson's Advice for the Asinine is an ongoing list and will be updated as needed. Love, Peace and Laughter to y'all!

A Day without Sunshine is Night

I have had writer's block. I'm not sure what the deal is, as I never seem to run out of things to say.  I have attempted to blog several times, but I always end up with a page full of mess that even I don't understand! Yesterday, as I found myself in my backyard baring it all(except for a swimsuit) and staring into the eyes of a very tiny hispanic man holding a tree trimming tool, I realized that I missed my true calling.  I should have a sitcom.  My entire life, I have just been a magnet for hilarious situations.  I can't explain it...but it's a good thing I inherited a good sense of humor!

Isn't it funny how Murphy's Law seems to work?  Our family has been so very busy as the new school year has finally begun.  Miss Abby Grace is playing freshman volleyball and has been going non-stop since August 6.  Cole became a teenager on August 11, I celebrated my 29th birthday(for the twelfth time)on the 26th and school began for my 7th grader and freshman on August 27.  Add an ailing father-in-law and a new business to the mix and you have EXHAUSTION! With the Nowell bus leaving the garage at 6:50 am, our day begins at 5:30.  My little princess has a disorder called "I can't get up with my alarm clock, so my mom has to come upstairs and yell at me for half an hour every single morning," so I set my alarm for 5:29am M-F.  Yes, 5:29.  I also have a disorder called "I don't like to end my alarm setting with an even number."  My day has been ending somewhere around 11 or so every night.  This is NOT enough beauty sleep for me! Yesterday afternoon, I decided I was going to take an hour to myself before picking up Abby from volleyball practice.  I raced to my closet and threw on a swimsuit and hightailed it out to the pool...ahhhh....I can't tell you the last time I had the entire house and pool to myself.  After a quick dip, I retired to the lawn chair, sprayed my spf and closed my eyes. As I felt myself drifting into oblivion, I was startled right back into reality by the sound of a tree limb hitting the walking path below us.  I jumped up and was face-to-face with a landscaper(no, not from Kevin's company) holding a long pole with shears on the end.  He said,"Hello." Yikes! What in the world?  WHY, of the 23 other hours in this day are they maintaining the small area around my house during the one hour I have taken for myself?! Soon, this guy's boss was pulling up on the walking trail in his four-door Dodge truck. So....the hour that was mine had turned into ten minutes of me time coupled with a near-heart attack and a quick jog back inside.  It was then that I realized this was so very typical.  I seem to find myself in situations that others could only imagine.  It is a curse, I tell ya!

As I celebrated a milestone (29) this week, I began to look back on the great life of Donna Alyson Poole Nowell.  Yes, in case you didn't know, my parents thought it was a fine idea to plague their first-born with the first name of her mother and then call her by her middle name.  Brilliance, I say. Anyway, I can only smile when I look back at my years of laughter.  I grew up with a dad who taught me how to find the funny in everything.  Sometimes, I admit, we both sort of take that to the extremes.  However, the two of us sure do think we're pretty dang hilarious! I have always been very hap-hazard. My mother never really knew what to do with me...at the age of three, I decided to run away from home.  I just couldn't listen to Donna Jean for another minute!  I owned a ride-on toy that was made to look like a duck.  That duck was my vehicle of choice that afternoon as I grabbed my raggedy ann doll and took off down the road toward Mrs. Burrell's house.  She was the most grand babysitter in all of McAdams and I knew that if I could just make it to her front door, I would be free as a bird(or a duck with wheels anyway).  Somewhere between the Perry's house and the White's driveway, Donna caught on to me.  I know it seems crazy that I remember this day as a three-year-old, but I do remember the look on that woman's face as she scooped me up and carried me back to the blonde brick house on that beautiful country road leading to Coleman Cemetery.

At the age of four, I visited the ER for an extraction of fine pearls from my ear canal. At six, I crashed my go-kart and demolished the family swing set.  When I was eight, I convinced my four-year-old brother to capture a bumblebee with his bare hands while we sat in the backseat of Donna's Ford LTD waiting to go to church.  When I turned nine, I was informed that we would be welcoming a new addition to our family.  I answered,"No thank you."  At ten, I called my mother every single day for a week because I had a stomachache at school.  She refused to come get me after the third day.  Therefore, I called my sidekick, Loree Wyatt Poole(aka Granny).  Granny came to get me every time I called and took me back to the comfort of her house on the hill.  On that Saturday, I planted myself in the floor of our bathroom while my mother proceeded to call me melodramatic. I know, right?! Granny convinced Mama to get me to the emergency room.  A few hours later, I was under the knife with Dr. Coleman Pickle removing my appendix. Back in those days, an appendectomy was a big cut with 7 to 9 stitches and a week in the hospital.  Granny refused to let Donna stay with me.  She stayed by my side that entire week as we both decided that it was us against the world! The age of eleven found me watching as my dad's brother went into an alcoholic rage and held a gun to my father's face.  THIS, I will never forget.  It is a defining moment in my life.  It was at that young age that I realized how precious life is.  I realized that I must seize every single second and enjoy it.

 At twelve, our family went camping at Holmes County State Park the week before school started.  I was disgusted at the fact that my brother Jason had not yet mastered the monkey bars at the age of eight.  SO, I took it upon myself to demonstrate for him.  During my demonstration of monkey bar skills, those darn things threw me to the ground.  I landed on my right forearm. **sounds an awful lot like a certain blonde boy's events on the second grade playground, doesn't it?** As I lay in agony, my parents told me to stop screaming and come eat supper.  I cried all night.  The next day, Donna found herself being chastised by Dr. Hartness as he fitted my arm into my brand new cast.  Yep, I had slept in a sleeping bag on the cold, hard ground with a broken arm.  Poor me.  Two years later, I was carrying out my weekly manual labor at home while Jason sat leisurely in the arm chair watching cartoons after school. I guess Justin was still at the Pee Wee Patch daycare as Mama and Daddy were still at work.  Somehow, that stinkin' Tilex bottle got turned around as I was spraying the sink and that stuff went directly into my right eye.  I, being the quick thinker, immediately turned on cold water and washed out my eye.  Jason came to my  rescue and called Mama. Having learned her lesson by this time, she raced home! We headed back to my home away from home and were greeted by the ER staff at MJMH. I was treated and given some ointment and pain killers before going home to await my appointment with the eye specialist the next day.  Fast forward to the next morning...as we were preparing to leave for Jackson, I was walking down the hall and suddenly found myself in my bed looking up at Dr. Gilliland.  I had passed out and Donna Jean called our neighbor, Dr. G.  He arrived in pajamas with a stethoscope around his neck.  Talk about a house call! I spent the next five days in the hospital.  My parents were told that I may never regain sight in my right eye.  Weeks later, the glamorous black eye patch was removed and we were given the news--a miracle had occurred and I could see!!!! For the next 20 years, my right eye had nearly perfect vision! To say I was a precocious child is putting it MILDLY!!! My poor parents  did the best they could with me.  I was probably a hopeless case!!!

Believe me, I am leaving out many glorious details that I will probably share later.  I have so enjoyed reminiscing and solidifying the fact that I have ALWAYS been exactly who I am now.  I have matured(a very little)and realized that some of the core things that I thought I believe in are actually much different from the way I was raised back then...another story for later...but for the most part, I have always been a bit brassy and sassy.  I've always had a special knack for finding excitement even when there doesn't seem to be any around.  I don't know why I was blessed with such an eventful life, but I am certainly thankful for it.  I mean, how much fun would the days be without laughter? After all, isn't a day without sunshine just night? Put some sunshine in your life.  Find the funny.  It is so much more enjoyable that way!!!

Choose your Battles

John Wyatt Poole--beloved child of Loree and Johnnie Poole born October 22, 1959

Now that I am living in my fortieth year of life, I have truly come to grips with what it means to "choose your battles."  One might assume that this means I have become less vocal and less battle-ready. Quite the opposite, I'm afraid.  I am tired of choosing battles based on what others may think.   I am tired of standing back and pretending that what others say about those I love doesn't matter. I am choosing my battles.   I made a promise years ago that I would NEVER again let anyone hurt those I love without speaking up. I feel like I am beating a dead horse by continuing to explain my reasons for the way I feel and the events that led me to my core beliefs.  Let me give you a small introduction to my family.  I was born in 1972 in Attala County, Mississippi.  I quickly became the apple of my grandmother's eye.  Granny, aka Loree Wyatt Poole, was a force with which to be reckoned.  I wish reality shows were around back then.  I swear, she could have had her own!!! As a young child, I spent nearly every single day with my grandparents.  Not only was I spending time with Granny and Pappy, but I also got to know my first best friend.  John Wyatt Poole was born in 1959 and was adopted at birth by Johnnie and Loree Poole(Granny and Pappy).  John was my daddy's baby brother and was not quite 13 when I was born.  I became his little "Barbie doll," for lack of a better word.  He enjoyed dressing me up and teaching me all about life.  He did my hair from the time I had any and was my very best friend.  **Feel free to look back over previous posts for the details of our special relationship**

I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T know John was gay.  I also can't remember a time when it mattered.  While in the safe haven of Granny's house, I was taught that it was a non-issue..... I didn't see Uncle John as any different from anyone else......except for one thing:  he was truly the only person with whom I felt completely comfortable to voice my thoughts and I knew he would love me anyway.  He was the one who taught me the meaning of unconditional love, and I am so proud to be his niece.  Uncle John and I had a relationship that nobody else could ever understand.  We were just close enough in age that we "got" each other and just far apart enough that I still respected him as my uncle.  As a teenager, I began to realize what being gay meant.  Believe me when I tell you that we just never discussed sexuality in my home or my grandparents' home.  John was John and my daddy loved his little brother.  My dad NEVER, EVER spoke ill of his little brother.  Their middle brother, however, is a different story.  Maybe I'll touch on that another time.  Anyway, as I got into high school and began to hear words such as "fag, homo, gay," I began to realize that Uncle John was among those being targeted with the hateful way of thinking.  So, I(being the unfiltered girl that I am) decided to ask him point-blank.  I guess I was around 13 or 14 when I approached him.  

We were sitting at Granny's kitchen table looking out into the gorgeous backyard.  I think we were eating Raisins, Rice and Rye.  Anybody remember that cereal?  Granny, John and I devoured box after box of that stuff...I said,"Are you gay?" My witty uncle looked me straight in the eyes and said,"Are you?" I am laughing out loud right now as I recall that moment.  I said,"Ummmm, no...but I know you are."  He said," Would that change anything?"  I said,"No.  I just wanna know."  He said,"I can't be who I am around here. I am hated for who I am."  He told me that he didn't want me saying anything to anyone about him or my support of him.  He told me that it wasn't accepted around there and it would just bring me heartache and hurt.  So, I kept quiet.  I listened silently as others made wisecracks and remarks about gay people.  I NEVER joined in, but I also never spoke up.  That is a regret I will always have.  I regret not going against John's wishes on that.  

A few days after my conversation with my uncle, I had a discussion with Granny.  We were sitting on her screened-in front porch.  My granny was my rock.  She told me things when nobody else would.  She treated me like a person who mattered.  Even as a child, I felt that she respected my opinions.  Maybe it was mostly because I usually agreed with HER...hehe...I said,"John's gay."  She said,"And?"  I asked her what she thought about it.  She told me that John had been "John" from the time he was a toddler.  There was no mistaking that he was born the way he was.  There was no choice in who God made him to be.  Straight from Granny's mouth,"God made him the way he is for a reason.  He is no different from my other sons and I love him and want him to be able to have the same things my other two have in this world."  There is not a doubt in my soul that if she were here today, she would SO fight for marriage equality.  No doubt.  I KNOW.  I actually had the guts and the courage to ASK her how she felt.  Others, it seems, just chose to talk about her and her child behind her back.  

So.....I say all that to bring me to where I am today.  I have found myself in the middle of a vicious cycle of babbling ignorance.  I have sat quietly(believe it or not)as I have received countless---seriously, countless---emails and facebook posts stating that gay people are "satanic, filthy sodomites who are burning in hell."  It amazes me that someone else's sexuality can take up that much of some people's time.  Why does it offend these people so much?! If you truly believe that only those who believe and interpret the Bible exactly the way you do are going to Heaven, why do you also find the need to constantly degrade and de-humanize other people?  If you were a true Christian who believed these people are going to hell, would you not be approaching them with love, understanding, compassion and desire to share the gospel with them?  Spouting off hateful, bigoted remarks is not really the Christian way to be.  I, for one, have chosen to live by what I have read in Matthew as Jesus' own words.  This is quoted from Jesus:

Matthew 7:1-5

King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

² For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

³ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

⁴ Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

⁵ Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

Please, if you are going to blast hate, don't do it in Jesus' name.  


I am saddened because I never believed that old saying,"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  However, maybe it is true.  Maybe focusing on the real future of this country  and  teaching our children love and acceptance of ALL of God's creations, we will finally begin to see some equality in this world.  Until then, I say,"This is for you, John.  I love you and I miss you with all my heart.  Thank you for teaching me how to love without conditions."  

Happy 4 month "My Husband Works from Home and I Need a Valium" Anniversary!

Happy Four Month "My Husband Works From Home and I Need a Valium" Anniversary! Yep...we are coming up on our four month anniversary of the day that changed everything....

On February 7, my cool-headed business man of a husband waltzed into our kitchen just as he has done for as many years as I can remember. I had his coffee mug full and waiting to accompany him on his hour-long commute into the city for work. He has traveled into the city to work for the last 18 years(minus the year and a half we spent in North Carolina...but even then, he did the commute thing). During the coffee hand-off, I heard these words:  TODAY IS THE DAY I RESIGN! I thought maybe we were celebrating April Fool's a couple months early. I mean, surely he wasn't seriously thinking about quitting his job.  Don't get me wrong. I am far from fond of "The Man Who Didn't Follow Through," but I was NOT prepared for this! I will not go into specifics(because I have been told to let go of bitterness and if I get started, bitterness will be ooooozing from my veins), but the hub definitely had just cause to walk out and not look back. Heck, in my opinion, he had just cause to knock somebody into next week(but I choose to be BETTER, not BITTER).

Ta-Ta Traffic Nightmare!

The first day of "togetherness" was sort of fun. It was different and I kinda enjoyed his company.  The second day, I was already starting to feel smothered. Now, here we are a full 119 days after The Day That Changed Everything.  Can we say,"Hook me up to an IV and start the crazy meds?!" I am telling you, if you have never been home full-time with your other half home at the same time, you have missed out on a sure 'nuff treat! Anybody that knows us knows that Kevin and I are total(and I mean T-total)opposites. He is very, ummmm...OCD. He likes things neat and orderly and he believes there is only one way to do things. This way is lovingly referred to by me as "The Kevin Nowell Way." My husband watches FOX NEWS. If you know me, you know what I think about FAKE NEWS. Anyway, all that being said, it has worked for us since 1990. Several years ago, we just came to the understanding that our political votes will always cancel out each other. Still, we both believe in exercising our right! I am digressing.... I am also a looooong way from a neat-freak. I like to blare my 106.1  music while I do just enough cleaning to get by. ;-). So, we spent the first couple weeks trying to get used to being together 24/7. It is one thing to brag to others about your years of marital bliss. It is another to be able to say you literally spend TWENTY-FOUR HOURS a day with your chosen other.

After the first several days of togetherness, we began to develop our plan for starting our own business. Oh boy....THIS is some kinda fun, let me tell you!! I poured myself into learning everything I possibly could about what it takes to get a business off the ground. We filed necessary papers and began the task of writing a business plan. I was livin' the dream I never had! I watched Kevin's stress level drop drastically. Even though this is hard work, he was doing it HIS way and he was doing it the RIGHT way. So....I began to go through my day in silence because my husband can only work when he has a very muffled 92.5 playing in his office. There can be no television , vacuum cleaner running, dog barking, phone ringing, flip flops flopping, sneezing, dryers buzzing, conversations being had or doors slamming anywhere in the house while he is conducting business in his office. No, I am not kidding.  Not only have we spent countless hours working together(remember, the previous 18 years of marriage were spent with him being at an office for at least 10 hours a day), but we also must attend meetings with the CPA, the bank, the tech folks, the graphic designer for the company logo, etc...ALWAYS TOGETHER! I love my husband and really do enjoy spending time with him.  I just wish that time could be broken up a bit. Before school dismissed last week, we even had "Family Trips to School" every single morning!!!! That is correct. We BOTH drove the kids to school in the mornings. This became pretty irritating to the daughter as her dad doesn't allow food or drink in the vehicle. OPPOSITES, remember.

I am not saying that this together time has been all bad.  I truly do enjoy his company. I like sitting down together and having lunch most days.  I do not, however, love the fact that at 11:30am I hear,"Baby!!!! What are you makin for lunch?" I like being able to yell into the other room when I have a question or having him run by the store when he is out at a job or something.  I like that he is finally able to see that I truly don't sit down very much during the day.  I am always walking back and forth doing something.  I do not enjoy hearing him say,"What are you doing now?" every time I walk past the office.  I like that he is now able to take Cole to the golf course or run Abby somewhere after school(rarely, but still more than before).  Prior to February 2012, "The Man Who Didn't Follow Through" dominated my husband's time.  Hubby gave countless hours to "The Man Who Didn't Follow Through" and missed lots of family time.  The family time available now is TOTALLY worth my need for a valium and a few bottles of wine. I will probably miss him when he finally gets an office outside of the house.  I am sure I have become more dependant on him than I realize.

As if having my husband home with me every single day isn't enough to drive me insane, he has now acquired himself a partner! Yep, I have TWO MEN working from my home office every single day!!! I have threatened to report them to some type of zoning board, as I know this has got to be against some code. Surely! They are in the process of getting into an outside office, but until then, I am stuck with them.  I have spent the last several days trying to encourage them to speed up the relocation process.  If there is a dish to be dropped, a phone call to be made, fuzz to be vacuumed, dog tricks to be performed or  clanking of silverware, glasses or any other hard object to be done, I have accomplished it in these last few days.  I am truly trying my best to get them the heck outta here. I can NOT WAIT for that lease to be signed! I will be FREE, free, FREE!!!! I will still be responsible for several aspects of the business, but I will be able to do 90 percent of it from home(MINUS the men). As I grab the corkscrew, I would like to propose a toast.  Here's to 2,856 hours of total togetherness!  If you ever hear me complain again about my husband working too many hours and not being home, please slap me. I mean it. Hit me. HARD. Remind me that on this date, I said MY HUSBAND WORKS FROM HOME AND I NEED A VALIUM!!!

It's All About Me!

Baby Alyson--ready to conquer the world!

I can't pull myself out of my funk and blog! I love blogging...but with starting a new company(YIKES...I know)and all the fun stuff that goes along with that, I just haven't had the time. To ease myself back into this, I thought I would throw out some random facts about myself...just a list....no particular order...
 1.  I was born weighing 5 lb 13 oz. (that should have been an indicator of my future shortness).
 2.  I do not enjoy horror movies or books.  AT ALL!
 3.  I once sprayed Tilex in my right eye and was told that I may never have vision in that eye again.  The
      vision was restored and I was blessed with the perfect excuse to never again clean a bathroom.
 4.  I had appendicitis in fourth grade.
 5.  I met my husband when I was 17.
 6.  I've always wanted to live in a highrise.
 7.  I skipped kindergarten.
 8.  I finished college in three and a half years.
 9.  I developed asthma in my thirties.
10. My Uncle John is with me....he turns lights on and off to let me know that. Believe it.
11. I love plain white rice.
12. I have been to Hell.  (it is an actual place on Grand Cayman)
13. Cats scare me.
14. I read every single Laura Ingalls Wilder book at least three times when I was a kid.
15. I probably read Charlotte's Web ten times cover to cover.
16. I have never NOT had at least one book that I am reading.
17. My mom once told me I was born into the wrong family. I will never forget that.
18. Hairy backs gross me out.
19. I hate feet.
20. Publishing a book is on my bucket list.
21.I don't especially enjoy pizza.
22.I am no good at pretending to like someone if I don't.
23.I am brutally blunt, honest and opinionated(see number 22).
24.I believe in the right to bear arms.
25.I absolutely HATE guns. My mom's mother died as the result of a gunshot. Although I believe it is
    every American's(after extremely thorough background checks) right to bear them, I do not like them and
    they scare me.
26.I take a bubble bath at least four times a week.
27.I just can't make myself drink wine from a box. I know, I know...but it just doesn't seem right to me.
28.Mushrooms make me want to puke.
29.Tomatoes are gross.
30.One of my vices is fried catfish from Attala County, Mississippi. It MUST be from there...nobody else
     knows how to cook it. NOBODY.
31.In college, I was Student Teacher of the Year. Yes, that's correct...I rock.
32.I told my husband(then fiance) that I would never live in Texas.
33.I have lived in Texas since 1994 and can't imagine being anywhere else!!
34.I cried for three straight days  when I found out I was going to have another baby when my daughter was
     8 months old.
35.When my son was 2 months old, I found out I was ill and should not have any more children.
36.I cried when I realized that God's timing is always right.
37.I grew up in the red dirt of a softball field. I still remember the name of the bat that my teammates and I
     LOVED.....The Shady Lady...and then there was a Shady Lady II. Odd how things like that stick with
     you.
38.My first car was a Mazda RX-7. We called it the 'naz because half the "m" was off the word mazda.
39.I am a full foot and two inches shorter than my husband.
40.My eyebrows are two different colors. Yes, I was born that way.
41.I broke my arm the summer before 7th grade while teaching my brother how to properly maneuver the
      monkey bars. Obviously, it was not the success I had hoped it to be.
42.My first kiss was at a church.
43.I could easily be an activist.
44.I have no tolerance for cigarette smoke. I do not hate the smoker---I do hate the second-hand smoke.
45.I think marriage should be a right afforded to everyone. I will not back down from that.
46.What others think of me doesn't make or break me. It just doesn't.
47.I had two imaginary friends when I was little. Their names were Lulam and Doddam and both hailed from
     California.
48.My precious Granny totally made me believe that she saw Lulam and Doddam as well. I love her for
     that.
49.I will never forget seeing my thirty-two-year-old  Uncle John in his coffin. I wish I had not gone against
     his wishes and looked.
50.Uncle John was my first best friend.
51.I don't like peppermint. I do, however, like peppermint lattes.
52.I wish I had long skinny fingers.
53.I once drank from a thermos after someone else had discarded his tobacco drippings into it.I still get a
      little queazy over that one.
54.The fact that I type everything I say in my head shouldn't frighten you.  Really.
55.I learned to whistle before I could talk. I can't whistle now.
56.I love caramel apples.
57.My favorite color is green.
58.I still check under my bed at night.
59.I have never seen an episode of Glee.
60.I never watched Grey's Anatomy.
61.I run the other way at the sight of blood.
62.I talk to my dog all the time. He sometimes answers me.
63.My husband and I play practical jokes on each other at least once a week.
64.I want to go to Italy.
65.I can't think of any other facts, so I am ending this post.

Stormy Weather

Tonight, as I sit looking out at the stormy skies, I am reminded of something my dad used to say about certain people in our small southern town.  "I sure hope a big rain doesn't come 'cause that woman would drown with her nose stuck so far up in the air!" That always made me laugh... I have so many words of wisdom from my daddy. That man is a riot. What makes him even funnier to me is that he doesn't even TRY to be funny.  He just IS. I inherited my love of issuing nicknames for everyone from him.  I will refrain from being specific, but we had an acquaintance that Daddy liked to call "Booksatchel Booty." Ok, now THAT is funny. I still giggle when I think about him saying that. My brother's name is Justin. Daddy called him Timey Joe. Why? "Just in time." Timey. I still don't know where he came up with Joe. Daddy is just one of those people who can come off with a witty remark without even blinking.  I digress.....

I started this post because of the storm in our area tonight. I was standing outside chatting with my neighbors this afternoon when we saw and felt the front come in. The gust of cold wind came out of nowhere with the dark, dreary skies.  I am reminded that this is the same way storms roll into our daily lives.  Everything seems to be going smoothly when BOOM! We are hit by a cold gust of wind followed by a bolt of lightening and a downpour of rain.  It feels like we may never see sunshine again, but the sun always comes. Of course, there will also be more storms. Storms aren't all bad.  They cause us to seek shelter, to take stock of emergency items, to ensure that our children are safe. I've learned that even in the sunshine, we should be prepared for the storm.  We can't pretend that it will never storm.  We must be prepared for sudden storms. If nothing else, I have been taught that in the past couple months.

preparing for the storm

I have learned that when a storm is coming, we are responsible for taking care of our own belongings.  Nobody else is going to secure our patio furniture, put the dogs inside or make sure the cars are in the garage.  We've gotta have sense to get ourselves in out of the rain.  Lord, thank you for that sense. Thank you for showing me that storms aren't all bad.  Once this storm passes through, our grass will be green and our flowers will be nourished. Storm on, storm on.  Sunshine's a comin!

Get It In Writing!

I am trying to come out from under the proverbial rock that has been lodged on top of me for the past one month and one day. If you aren't privy to what I'm referencing, don't freak out. Hubby and I are healthy.  Kids are healthy. Dog is healthy. I will leave it at that.  In the interest of  trying not to bash,  I will simply say that it has been a tough couple months.  I have cried, I have screamed, I have prayed and I have tried to understand.  I don't know that I will ever come to grips with some of the events that have taken place,  but I know this.....until my last breath, I will attempt to learn something from every single event in this life. Listed below are some of the things I have learned (in no particular order) in my life........

1--When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

2--Integrity is worth so much more than money.

3--There is a such thing as spending too much time with one's spouse.

4--We waste way too much in our daily lives.

5--Living on a budget is something we should have been doing all along.

6--Family always comes through.  Always.

7--Jerks are jerks and nothing really changes that.

8--True friends are there for you when you can't be there for yourself.

9--Ignorant people shouldn't be in charge.

10-If one can't put together a sentence, one probably shouldn't be sending out communications. 

11-The amount of stupidity in this world is dumbfounding.

12-I will never understand some people.  Never.

13-What I thought was most important in my life really isn't.

14-I am probably smarter than I ever allowed myself to believe.

15-Going with your gut is the best way to go.

16-Spitting in the air isn't a good idea.

17-When someone hurts the ones I love, it hurts more than if it happened to me.

18-Letting go of anger isn't easy.
19-Letting go of anger is freeing.
20-Stupid is as stupid does.
21-Dress codes are in place for a reason.
22-Compromise is sometimes good. Too much compromise isn't good.
23-Get everything in writing.
24-Once someone doesn't follow through, don't give them the chance to let you down again.
25-We are the world.
26-Gas prices are through the roof.
27-Believe in yourself.
28-Always wash your face at night.
29-Love the ones you're with.
30-People are responsible for their own karma.
31-If you put your all into something, make sure it something you love.
32-Stand up for what you believe.
33-Rocking chairs and worry get you nowhere.
34-Never say never.
35-Good wine is a good thing.
36- It can be fun to beat a bully at his own game.
37-Patience may be a virtue, but it is a hard thing to learn.
38-Always keep 'em guessing.
39-If you can't say something nice about someone, maybe they have no nice qualities.
40-Breathing fresh air is good for the soul.
41-Bubble baths are underrated.
42-Sometimes there is no right answer.
43-It feels good to get things off your chest.
44-Money can't buy you love, but it CAN buy you good makeup.
45-Always wear clean underwear.
46-Cussing can help you get your point across.

47-Cheap toilet paper isn't worth it.
48-Cellulite creams don't work.
49-It's only hair. It will grow back.
50-Clean sheets make me smile.
51-My Uncle John is with me. Always. My lights just flickered to prove it.
52-Buying a new car is so not fun. Smelling the inside of that new car is thrilling.
53-Everything is not always black or white. Sometimes they are both.
54-Diagramming sentences is a lost art.
55-Don't judge a book by its cover.
56-Punctuation is essential.
57-Sleep matters.
58-All that glitters is not gold.
59-Time marches on.
60-The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
61-Tweezing  hurts worse than waxing.
62-Did I already say,"GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING???"
63-We may not always get the pleasure of seeing karma bite those who deserve it, but it will happen.
64-Love makes the world go 'round.
65-Money doesn't buy class.
66-Take care of your employees.
67-Treat others the way you want to be treated.
68-Be big enough to admit when you are wrong.
69-It's never too late to say you're sorry.
70-Blood isn't always thicker than water.
71-Not much smells better than the top of a baby's head.
72-Coffee can make or break you.
73-Throwing out big words is not impressive when they aren't used correctly.
74-It doesn't pay to forget the place from which you came.
75-No means no.
76-The older I get, the more I really don't care what others think.
77-Never pass up an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

78-Dance. Just dance.
79-Sticks and stones may break my bones...but words? They hurt too.
80-Teaching your children acceptance will pay off in the future.
81-If you can't follow through, don't make the promise.
82-Respect is earned, not owed.
83-If you walk away, be prepared to never go back.
84-Forgive. Don't forget.
85-GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING.
86-Everybody poops.
87-People deserve a second chance.
88-Not all people deserve more than two chances.
89-Life is too short to eat bad chocolate.
90-There is no bad chocolate.
91-Being born with a silver spoon isn't always a blessing.
92-The wise man  built his house upon the rock.
93-Blondes may not have more fun, but we definitely have more root touch-up with which to deal.
94-If your eye doctor tells you to try hard contact lenses, run away. Fast.

95-Listen to your grandparents. They know life.
96-Every person in this world was made by God. God don't make no junk.
97-It is wrong to sit quietly while others are treated unjustly.
98-A good razor is worth the splurge.
99-The early bird doesn't always get the worm.
100----------GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING.

I could probably go on and on with 100 more insightful lines, but I bet you have a few of your own to add. I love learning. Learning is life.  Life is learning. I am grateful to have been given the gift of gab. Were it not for that, I'd lead a pretty boring life. My husband might have a different view on that, but I think that he secretly enjoys my random ramblings.

It's good to be back.  It felt good to get this in writing.

Those Were the Days!!!!

Remember the good ole days? For me, the good ole days were back in the 70's and 80's in a small town in Mississippi. Fun fact: I was born and raised in the same little town that claims the birth of Oprah Winfrey. That's right....Kosciusko, Mississippi....the birthplace of brilliant people! Life was so simple back then.

We had a PARTY LINE.  I remember picking up the rotary phone that hung in the kitchen and slowly lifting my index finger off the metal hanger-upper-thingy  in an effort not to disturb the person who might have been  in a conversation with someone on the line. Several houses shared a single phone line. Ms. Dicey, who lived next door to us, would give me the what-for if I picked up more than once while she was having her daily gab-fest with one of her other widow friends. Those were the days!

It is hard to believe that there was a time in my life when I remembered my friends' actual phone numbers! I can still remember Granny's number...289-2465....Christie's 289-7394...Jennifer's 289-6786.....April's 289-5928.....Now, I simply scroll down to the person's name and tap it with my finger. Times have changed! I also remember actually using a payphone! I remember when the cost went from 25 cents to 35. How annoying it was to keep up with that extra dime! Those were the days!

Some of my favorite memories as a teen are from hanging out with my friends at school. We'd sit in the hallways before school started (that is, until we were told there would be no more sitting in the halls...then we resorted to sitting elsewhere. I'll just leave that one alone) and discuss all the important happenings around the metropolis of Attala County. Lunch was more than a meal. Lunch at Kosciusko High School in the 80's was a social soiree! This was the time we'd plan our gatherings for the weekend. There is just no substitution for human interaction. We had no cell phones. We had no iPods. We had no laptops. Those were the days!

Have you walked into a middle school or high school lately? Go check it out. Kids have their faces planted in their electronic devices the entire 30 minutes allowed for chewing their sandwiches.  Without looking up, they seem to be on auto-pilot as those around them do the same. I am all for technology and I love that my children have access to so much information. However, I can't help but wonder how much more bright their world would be if they would just LOOK UP and interact with their peers. I understand that it's a "new age" and "times have changed," but is it all really for the better?

Mr. Hull---totally interacting with the students!

I wonder what would happen if teens were asked to leave their devices home for a while. They'd be forced to go to the library and actually FIND A BOOK when research is needed in class. Taking out an iPhone to google on 3G wouldn't be an option.  Kids would be forced to look at each other as they eat lunch.  Surely this would cause interaction and conversation between friends.  Maybe they'd even learn something about each other! I bet my children would flip their lids if they weren't able to text me things like,"Staying after school," "Plz bring my hw," "Starbucks?" What would teens do without being able to listen to their choice of music while moseying down the sidewalk? How would they survive the bus ride home without earphones or texts from friends?

I hope kids today realize the importance of human interaction.  Texts and emails aren't sufficient tools for getting to know each other.  Inflection of voice and the blinking of eyes add so much to a conversation. If we look up, we may find someone interesting.  Just put the technology down long enough to realize who is around you.  Enjoy your teen years with your friends.  There will be plenty time for texting when you're old and living in different cities.  Just imagine.....you can look back on these times and remember things like lunchtime gossip, class projects, road trips(where everyone is involved in a conversation INSIDE the vehicle and not via text) and late-night slumber parties full of giggles and secrets.  You can pick up the latest craze in technology and reminisce with your friends..."THOSE WERE THE DAYS!!!"

Is it just me or is it HOT IN HERE?!

                                                                   

We all heard our mothers say it. We'd roll our eyes as the middle-aged women in our lives would say,"You just wait. You'll understand one day." Well, guess what, Mama? That day is here. I understand!!!!!! This aging thing sucks, for the most part. I very much love feeling liberated and knowing that my knowledge has been earned by years in the trenches. However, there are a few things about this process that can go stick somethin where the sun don't shine(yes, Mrs. Mooney, I know that isn't proper grammar).

Example number one:  Having zits sucks. Having wrinkles sucks even more. Having them both at the same time sucks more than a hungry baby with a bottle of similac.  Why do we women have to suffer this at the same time that we are also noticing those little folds and creases in our eyelids?! Come on, you know you have them too! Seriously, though, it is making me crazy. Give me zits or give me wrinkles. Please don't give me both at the same time. What's up with that?! This 40-year-old skin sucks.

Example number two:  Squint, squint.  Need I say more? I sure hope my children's lives don't depend on me reading the fine print on medicine bottles. I couldn't do it if you paid me a million dollars and threw in a twinkie.  I. Can't. See. Remember when it was humorous to see someone holding those little bottles and packets at arm's length in order to read them? Laugh no more, ladies. It is real. It sucks.

Example number three:  It's HOT! My beloved doctor continues to assure me that my hormones are fine. I beg to differ. I go to bed and I wake up looking like someone doused me with a bucket of water. I feel perfectly fine at bedtime. Nice and snuggled, I fall asleep in a comfortable room temperature of 68 degrees. My side of the bed is probably closer to 52 degrees due to the oscillating fan I have blowing full-force right beside me. This makes for many marital disputes. By morning, I look and feel like I've been working in the hot sun hoeing a garden or something. What's up with that? Give me one body temperature, please. Sweating sucks.

Example number four:  I've got friends in low places. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talkin about. Our "friends" are a little lower now. Push-up bras don't really help. I cinch those suckers as high as I can get 'em and the end result is always the same......my friends aren't as high-up as they used to be. Low-ridin sucks.

Example number five:  Less hair on the head.....more hair where ya dread. I will just leave it at that. Explanation not needed. If you are between the ages of 38 and 99, you know exactly what I am talking about, girls! Just wait.....you'll understand one day!

Somebody please tell me........is it just me or is it HOT IN HERE?!

Stay on the Ship!!!!

A good captain always goes down with his ship. In light of the recent cruise ship tragedy, I've pondered this line more than normal lately.  Why did he abandon ship? Was he more worried about himself than those who had trusted him with their lives(obviously)? I love a good cruise with good friends. I just don't know of anything I love more....not kidding. Speaking of friends.......are you willing to go down with your friends' ship? I hope I am not a fair-weather friend. If you are my true friend, I really am willing to go down with your ship. I will fight beside you 'til the bitter end. Don't ever doubt it.  I have a few friends that I KNOW would do the same for me. These people are worth more than gold to me. Real friends will always go down with your ship.

I have had the pleasure of the most fabulous friends in my life. There are my friends from elementary school. So many of them are etched into the core of my being. I have friends from junior high, from high school and church youth group.  There are several college buddies and friends from my very first job. There are "couple" friends that Kevin and I have made through the years.

 There are sista-friends(you know who you are) that are truly like family to me. I have a couple girlfriends that would truly probably be able to have me arrested if they told all my deepest, darkest secrets. HAAAA. Not really. Well, maybe. Which of these friends would I be willing to go down with? Let's see.......

There's the friend who drove me to the hospital as I was in labor with my first-born. Not only did she drive me there, but she AND HER HUSBAND stayed with us and videoed the joyous time. Yeah, I think I'd go down with her ship! There's the friend who always(and I mean always) remembers my birthday....we've been friends for *cough cough* 39 years. Ship= me too.  I have a friend I have seen face-to-face only once. That was nearly 30 years ago.  We became penpals....only we were more than penpals. We wrote each other heartfelt, blood and tears letters that were 18 to 30 pages long....front AND back! In pen! We are now in touch via the great internet. Hellloooo Baby, I'm stayin on your ship!

 I have a very special friend whose mother literally plucked pencil lead out of my white behind! Yeah, that was the night we jumped into the vehicle to avoid being late for curfew. I landed on the tip of a pencil. Sister, I will be on your ship til it sinks! My precious friend from high school who was my sidekick in every situation definitely gets a "no abandonment pass!" We skipped school, assisted each other in coverups, and even became trendsetters(i.e. records in the ponytails, ladies)together. Yeah, I'm on that ship! There are a couple of "guy friends" who made me laugh til I thought my gut would bust....one of them threw a pillow at my parents' house during a study session and broke my mother's lamp above the table. Love that friend....I'm on your ship, buddy! 

I have a friend who went through a painful divorce. I truly felt like I was going through it with her. I wanted to HURT him. Seriously. Hurt. Him.  We have all moved on since then, but at the moment, I was more than willing to conspire against the slime. You know who you are. Your ship is safe with me.  Another friend has been my rock for 14 years. She pulls me up by my bootstraps and doesn't let me wallow in misery.  She is the "stable one" and keeps us in line. Her ship won't be going down without me on it. Listen up, you two crazy cruisers, no muster drill is needed. I'll go down with your ship!!!!!

 There are so many not listed. I could write page after page about different people.  My point is......do you have the type of friends who would jump ship when you needed them? Are YOU that type of friend?  A good captain goes down with his ship. Will you? I hope I'm a good captain. I think if you take care of your friends' ships, they will take care of yours.  Isn't that what life's all about anyway? Don't abandon ship!

Red and Yellow, Black and White....All are Precious in His Sight!

You know what they say about opinions? Yeah, we've all got one....this is only my second official blog post, so let me go ahead and say it now--- I WILL offend people. This blog is not an account of my daily life or of my children's activities and accomplishments. This is my attempt to have somewhat of an editorial of my very own. I enjoy writing, but I haven't been able to find the right niche for my ramblings. This may or may not be a permanent blog. I'd like to think that what I have to say could be interesting to someone. If it isn't interesting to you, don't read it. If it is interesting to you, WELCOME!

Today, I'd like to focus on "Red and Yellow, Black and White....All are precious in His sight." I sang this song as a little child in church....Jesus loves the little children; all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white. All are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world!!!!!" In fact, I can still picture myself sitting on the piano bench beside my beloved Uncle John as he played the tune and we sang it together. Oh, how those words have such a deep meaning for me now. If red and yellow, black and white are all precious in His sight, should we also sing,"Gay and Straight, big and small, Jesus really loves them all?" I mean, really. I want to set something STRAIGHT about growing up with a gay uncle. That's right, Backwoods  Bible Thumping family members, I said it. If you have a problem with it being out there, you might want to figure out a way to change it. You CAN'T change it. You can't change someone's true self. Get over it. It is 2012 and it is time we all realize that hate breeds hate. Stop it. Stop treating others like second-class citizens just because they are not just like YOU. I'd like to talk a bit about my most cherished uncle.


John Wyatt Poole was 13 when I came into the world at 5 pounds, 13 ounces. I was the apple of his eye. He was my first best friend. We were co-conspirators and partners in crime. Granny took us with her in her Buick as we traveled the gravel roads of Attala County. In those days, seat belts weren't the law. I would sit in John's lap and look out over the dash as Granny drove like a bat out of the hot place on those twisty, dusty roads. She would talk and talk and talk as we laughed and drank ice-cold Coke from the glass bottle out of Pappy's garage Coke machine. It was John who first taught me the art of sarcasm. I owe that trait to him and him alone. His nickname for me was "Mode." As a child, I was with my grandparents 5 out of 7 days of the week. Granny's disciplinary action for me was to make me go into the bathroom(it was in the dead center of the house--two doors, no windows) and sit on the closed toilet lid and "think about" what I had done. John found this to be quite amusing and would say,"They call her MODE because she likes to sit on it!" He called me Mode 'til the day he died...oh, the day he died......January 28, 1992. I digress.....we will come back to that day another time.


John told me my first ghost story. It was because of him that I was convinced Casper was coming through the old, creaky house every single time the wind blew. It was because of him I was scared to death to open the closet door in his bedroom that led up a steep, dusty staircase into the forbidden attic. John also taught me the learned skill of "flipping" your flip flops when you walk. I can still hear his distinct,"flip, flip, flip" if I close my eyes just right. John taught me how to break apart my oreos and soak them in my milk to make chocolate milk. He taught me to read sheet music and the love of playing an instrument. He taught me that one of the funniest things in the world is to rhyme someone's name with a funny word....i.e. Maria has diarrhea(Maria was my great aunt). I still laugh at that. Danny has a big fanny(Danny is my dad). Bob the Snob(that's my uncle....John's brother). As a child, I didn't have a clue what it meant to be gay or straight. Nor did I care. I just knew I loved Uncle John and I had no doubt that he loved me more than life. I knew he was unlike anyone else I had ever met. He was MY Uncle John and I was the luckiest little girl in the world.


John was the first person to introduce me to sunbathing. I didn't say he taught me all the RIGHT things! We would take towels and spread them on the hot, hard concrete of Granny's porch and just plop ourselves there with BABY OIL and IODINE! Granny would bring us iced water and anything else we demanded. Thanks, Uncle John, for all the freckles and yearly dermatology bills!!!!!! I remember when John began cosmetology school. Someone please tell me why people in my family found it necessary to "hide" the fact that John was gay?!!! Was it not obvious? Anyway, I became his hair model. When I was in eighth grade, he cut my hair so short that I looked like a boy. My mother almost killed him! John played the piano like nobody's business. He played at church and any event where he was asked. He also had the most beautiful voice. My uncle gave of himself so that others could enjoy and worship. He was happiest in those moments.


Uncle John eventually moved away from Small Town, Mississippi so that he could be himself and live his life.  He was shunned and he was treated as if his life meant nothing. Literally. What I regret MOST in my life is that I didn't stand up for him more back then. I was young and I was scared. I was scared of speaking my mind and standing up for what I believed to be right. Maybe that is why I am so incredibly outspoken today. If you knew me back then, I am sure you remember me as being outspoken. I was definitely not afraid to speak up in most cases. However, when it came to "family secrets," I was silenced. NO MORE!!! My Uncle John knew I loved him. For that, I am proud. He died at the age of 32. He died a horrific death. Many family members pretended he didn't exist. I would like to challenge you. Please don't be silenced. Stand up for others. Let them know you care.  Don't let the ignorance continue. Just remember ....red and yellow, black and white....all are precious in His sight.

Until next time.....