Alyson's Advice for the Asinine

I was talking with my sister-in-law earlier today and found myself uttering the following words:  "I am 40 now, so I don't have to care about what others think." Yes, she laughed.  We all know I didn't wait until 40 to speak my mind.  However, I've gotta tell you that I do feel much more liberated lately.   Anyway, I have recently begun keeping track of little things that are a cross between humorous and annoying.  I've labeled them Alyson's Advice for the Asinine.  I know that not everyone agrees with me all the time.  That's ok.  Remember, I'm 40 now and I no longer care! :-)  

Alyson's Advice for the Asinine(in no particular order):

• If half your toenail polish is off your toes, please don't subject the rest of us to viewing them.
• The left lane on the interstate is for FASTER traffic. Move out of the way!
• If you aren't going to discipline your children in public, be prepared for others to do it for you.
• If you are over the age of 35, you aren't doing yourself any favors by wearing pants with wording plastered across the behind.
• Teach your children to answer adults with "yes m'am and no sir" or "yes and no." Yeah and Naw are just unacceptable.  
• Please wait until seated to sample the food you have taken from the buffet line.  It's just gross to eat it while hovering over the chafing dishes.
• The word "retarded" is not an appropriate word for poking fun at someone. There are people in this world who truly were born mentally retarded.  It is a real condition and they deserve respect. 
• Differing political views are fine. Personal attacks are not.
• Use the sidewalk.
• Throwing your cigarette butt out the window is littering.  You deserve a fine.
• Someone who doesn't speak your language isn't necessarily an idiot.  
• Just because something has always been a certain way doesn't make it right.
• Saying please and thank you is a common courtesy that goes a long way.
• It won't kill you to smile.
• It is fabulous that you are fit and cute and just went to the gym.  However, if you are heading to your child's school, put some clothes on!
• Some of us have severe reactions to pollutants in the air.  Your cancer stick happens to produce the one that sends me into an asthma attack. I don't care if you have your feelings hurt. Smoke in private.
• If you are an able-bodied adult and still live with your parents while collecting free stuff from the government, maybe you should cancel your smartphone plan and buy your own groceries. Nope, I am not saying we shouldn't help those who NEED it.
• When in a restaurant, please have your children stop running around like they are in a park.
• Sunglasses are made for the SUN.  The sun is not indoors.  Take them off.
• If you sneeze, try not to sneeze into your hand.  Use your arm instead.  If you must use your hand, please wash it before touching common areas or someone else.
• If you are going to spend your money to get into a movie, why would you spend the entire time talking with your friend???
• I do not care where you live, what your last name is or how much money you make.  A dumbass is a dumbass.
• Why does it bother you for someone else to be given the same rights as you? 
• Using improper pronouns is irritating.  The pencil belongs to me. The pencil does not belong to I.  Therefore, the pencil belongs to my husband and me.  The pencil does not belong to my husband and I.  
• What you allow your children to do, say and watch may be your business.  However, when they begin to introduce my children to inappropriate things, it becomes MY business.
• There is a fine line between clothing you CAN wear and clothing you SHOULD wear.

That will be all for now.  Alyson's Advice for the Asinine is an ongoing list and will be updated as needed. Love, Peace and Laughter to y'all!